Since beginning the process of making my film, I have been living in a constant state of anxiety and I'm only in pre-production! From morning to night, I think about all the details: location scouting, talent agreements, fundraising, script edits, social media presence, all while day dreaming of every single shot on the movie screen. Today, I officially own the world's longest checklist. I am sure if I had a million dollar budget and paid production staff, the anxiety might be less; most likely not.
Maybe it's the virgo in me? Or maybe it's all part of the filmmaking game?
I have no idea when the anxiety will go away but hopefully it ends after the FINAL CUT! (who knows?) No promises.
I use to think anxiety was a dragon to be slayed and many ways I still believe that. In my adult life, I have had to learn to manage my anxiety in order to be happier and healthier. That includes knowing when to rest, relax and walk away from something.
Recently, I have come to realize that not all anxiety is bad! It is what propels us forward and keeps the momentum going, one step at a time. We need it!
So I have decided to become friends with my anxiety while going through this filmmaking process. Therefore, I will give my anxiety a persona and a name, how about "Zane the Dancing Monkey." Zane and I will be fast friends and every once in awhile I'll have to send him back to his cage, so I can get some peace and quiet. Until then, I'll be like Freddie Prince Jr. in She's All That trying to "never let it drop" while I juggle a hacky sack.